Tribute to Black Women: The Daughters of Dark Sorrow

Today was a big day for me to reflect.  Seems I’ve done quite a bit of that lately. 25 years ago, March was officially recognized in the United States as Women’s History Month.  Now, mind you, prior to March 2, 1974, I never had any contact with a woman (if I was born 40 weeks after conception, March 2, 1974 is the magical day/night)… OK let me space out for a second, I’m a FREAK, and so I’m hoping Big Sam and my fast Mama (for a later post but not what you think) got busy in a car, the Superdome, or in either of their parents’ bed.  OK, where were we? Yeah, that’s right, this post will probably prevent me from ever running for office and winning (unless y’all like skeletons), but the demographic of Homo sapiens that I least trust is WHITE WOMEN – cue CAVE BITCH by Ice Cube f/ Khalid Muhammed.  No, I’m not racist, this is from experience. I do like some white women, and the reason I distrust white women is empirical, historical and ecumenical.  But more than anything, white women are the counterpart of my favorite demographic is that of Black Women. I’ve never met every white woman nor have I met every Black woman, but the truth of the matter is that Black women are the most forgiving, the strongest, and the, *sighs in ecstasy,* most inspirational race and gender combination ever CREATED.  And because of that axiom, I pay tribute to Black Women.

Now, let me confess, I have dated, been involved in a relationship, and fucked non-Black women… I spent time around Lake Minnetonka and I was in a full-blown relationship with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel.  She played golf, she BBQ’d for me every Sunday, and she was cool with me smoking cigars.  The problem with the relationship was that I couldn’t get over the fact that when she was riding me, reverse cow girl, there was a tan line where her thong was… I mean not just a tan line but it was the difference between 2% and Chocolate milk (unless you are in my brain, don’t try to understand).  I would hang out with the Lynx and Mercury and I was embarrassed to bring my girl around.  What was wrong with her, she wasn’t a sister.

I recall the poetry of the rhythmic American poet, AMG, who once stated in the song “Bitch Better Have My Money,” There ain’t nuttin’ like Black pussy on my dick, word to the muthafucka, DJ Quik…”  I know this song is steeped in misogyny, but there is a Black woman somewhere in the world that will forgive me for calling her a BITCH.  Man, hold up, I’m not calling my mother, daughter, sister a bitch, are you crazy?  But if I would have, she would forgive me.  Our mothers walk with grace, accept the bullshit that they endure from Niggas, Wiggas, and Bitches and cook us biscuits in the morning.  Prime example is the FLOTUS, Michelle Robinson Obama.  She was educated in the best schools, she learned game from her brother, she fucks a dude that could fuck YOU or your girl (OK), and is a mother to two beautiful Black daughters.  She loves your kids and she’s, oh yea, the most well-educated first lady in the history of the United States.  And she deals with people calling her a terrorist and anything that you can imagine that would disrespect a Black woman … And what does she do in response: (at least publicly)

C’mon Son… But really, I think of the women that I’ve done wrong and at the end of the day, that’s the reaction I got… I mean, I’ve done some fucked up stuff… I mean, what’s the worst you’ve done? I’ve done worse.  Black women endured the rape, pillage and plunder of their land (I’m talking slavery) and you’ve never seen an insurrection led by a Black woman. (LOOK UP THE WORD INSURRECTION).  But although FLOTUS is the most famous example, I want you to think of a Black woman you know, she will accept your friends and she will forgive your dog ass when neither are expected or necessary.  I’m working on a book that consists of letters to Black women I’ve done wrong, so you’ll over-stand this point when you buy the book… LOL (Shameless Plug).

My favorite erudite once said of Black women:  “but we have, too, a vast group of women of Negro blood who [have] strength of character, cleanness of soul, and unselfish devotion of purpose…”  This is a tribute to my mother.  Carolyn Sonnier raised 4 boys… Her second, the best looking… But seriously, my mom, fought puberty and beat cancer and remains classy.  My father was for all intents and purposes a deadbeat… (nah he wasn’t that bad) but nigga didn’t pay child support (I still love my late Father but this ain’t about him) and my mom worked her ass off to get us out the projects into a small ass house.  My younger brother’s dad (my former step dad)  beat the shit out of my mom… I remember well… I couldn’t be more than 7 or 8.  I never saw a beating that bad before or since. Fuck, the memories… But my mom, I can’t remember her missing a beat (we left).  My baby brother’s dad was a pure alcoholic… He wasn’t abusive but he was soon, gone (I’ve wondered if that was the catalyst of the aforementioned ass whoppin) – NO EXCUSE.  I know that now but that was the thought of a pre-teen thinker.  She remarried again and won the prize with a bona fide crack head.  I mean he’d come home late Friday night (every one) drinking all the milk in the house *Kanye shrug* with lips swollen and have the nerve to claim he got robbed or some other lame ass excuse.  What I remember is what I remember.  I remember my mom, teaching me how to play football.  I remember my mom getting off of work and going to a second job.  I remember my mom contemplating suicide while I feigned sleep on the sofa.  I remember her sacrificing simple pleasures for herself to send me to New Orleans to debate in high school.  So forgive me if I’m impressed by Black women, look at my example.  She is my rock and even today she’ll send me a text “Good Morning Handsome, just thinking about you…” just when it’s needed.

No I also mentioned the erotic excitement Black women.  No I’m not going Oedipus on you.  I’m talking about every other Black woman out there.  When I lived in DC, Craig (my big brotha from anotha) and I used to play this game, we’d walk down the street and one of us would yell out, “Say something nice about her!”  She was always Black but she didn’t always conform to the Cosmopolitan view of beauty.  However, it could be a smile, it could be how she walked, it could be how she just looked nurturing… all signs of beauty that I submit is a quality innate to Black females.

In this month of March that is dedicated to Women in general, let me give a SHOUT OUT to all my BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN… I love you and I SALUTE YOU… The Sorrow that you have seen has done nothing to change your status with me.  The Darkness of your skin comforts me in my times of absence of light… this paradox is reconciled by the fact that I see your beauty from the inside out.  So as W.E.B. DuBois penned in the Damnation of Women:

“For this, their promise, and for their hard past, I honor the women of my race. Their beauty,—their dark and mysterious beauty of midnight eyes, crumpled hair, and soft, full-featured faces—is perhaps more to me than to you, because I was born to its warm and subtle spell; but their worth is yours as well as mine. No other women on earth could have emerged from the hell of force and temptation which once engulfed and still surrounds black women in America with half the modesty and womanliness that they retain… I have known and seen and lived beside them, but none have I known more sweetly feminine, more unswervingly loyal, more desperately earnest, and more instinctively pure in body and in soul than the daughters of my black mothers. This, then,—a little thing—to their memory and inspiration.”

This is my Tribute to the Black Woman.

6.10.2010: So, You Think You’re Smarter than a Cliche’

Yesterday, I flipped great inventions into something sick and twisted.  That’s, quite frankly, how my mind works, not sick and twisted, but I like to flip things.  However, this time I will assume the moniker of a Superhero I like to call Literal Larry (there’s a story behind this one).  We will take a cliché and show you why I think they are stupid because they often are misused and overused and show what they really mean.

The Cliche’:  The 10 Most Stupid:

10.  The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree – I know this cliché’ should make you feel warm and fuzzy because it refers to children taking on traits of their parents, but upon further inspection, it’s not necessarily true.  If the tree is on a hill it may not fall far from the tree but it will surely roll down hill.  And what about those apples that fall directly into a collection for resale and consumption?  The proper cliché should be: If you are an apple, hang on for dear life, you may get eaten.

9.  Beggars Can’t Be Choosers – We all love this one because when being generous no one wants the object of your generosity to be ungrateful.  WRONG! Give or don’t give because you want to or not and stop worrying about the receiver.  Need help with this one let’s try this cliché’: I got some ice cream and you can’t get none, wanna lick? Sike! Movie one liners sum it all up (I know it was a comedy).

8.  That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger – Yeah, yeah, yeah? If you make it through alive you will be better because of your trial.  B.S. If death were really possible, the will probably make you weaker.  Try suffering through food poisoning.  It may not kill you, but you damn sure will be weakened by it.  The proper cliché’ is:  If you survived it, don’t do that dumb stuff again.

7.  A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step – YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD.  What about those millions of people who can’t walk?  Can they not travel too?  I hear you saying that forward progress is necessary to accomplish a goal but let’s go to music for this one:  “Move B!tch, Get Out the Way!”

6.  Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me That It’s Raining – Straight to what it should be: If you pee on my leg… Look, just don’t pee on my leg.

5.  People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Throw Stones – People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones through the glass. And, why are you living in a glass house?

4.  The Light at the End of the Tunnel – You’re finished with your goal.  When I say you’re finished I’m not saying you’ve completed your task, I’m saying you’re dead because of the high speed Aceala train coming at you – that’s what the light was dummy.  It should be: Git ‘er done.

3.  When in Rome Do as the Romans Do – Well that wouldn’t work because the Romans go into their homes without knocking.  Try this one:  When you visit my home ask before you get put out.

2. Good Things Come to Those That Wait –  That may be true if good things were coming in your direction already; but, what if good things were going away from you?  Don’t you think you may want to chance the good thing down.  That leads me to my penultimate better cliché’:  If you smart enough and fast enough, good things can be caught.

1.  THE DUMBEST CLICHE’ OF ALL TIME:  Give it 110% (or any number over 100%).  What the hell are you talking about?  If you are saying that you are giving your absolute best you are in fact saying you’re giving your all or 100%.  But if you are saying you have 10% in reserve somewhere, then guess what?  You didn’t give your ALL the first time.  Better cliché’:  I’m giving you 100% of what I think you deserve, but only 50% of my capacity. Tell that one to your boss and I promise you won’t have to attend the next office meeting.

What are your favorite clichés or least liked ones.  Scroll down to the bottom and comment.  Obscene & Not Herd has also been updated so check it out by clicking on the link.

The N-Visible Man

June 9, 2010: Re-Invention of Cool

Every morning when I go to work I dread getting behind someone who thought it was a good idea to have a rollie bag.  It usually ends with them stopping short near the escalator or them slowing down and someone running into the bag.  That got me to thinking:  What inventions that changed the world are starting to piss me off.

Top 10 Inventions that Changed the World for the Better and Now for the Worse

10.  The Clock – If there were no clocks we would be required to come to work during some time frame as opposed to a time certain.  “Yeah get to work before the sun gets to mid-sky.”  Good-bye CP Time.

9.  The Phone – No, I don’t want to go back to smoke signals but how many times have you wondered, “Why doesn’t he call me back?” If there were no phone you wouldn’t have that stress in your life.  How many times have you said, “Unknown caller? That must be a bill collector, I won’t answer?” I’m just saying our stress level would be lower.

8. The Wheel – GOD I HATE ROLLIE BAGS. Get your work out on lazy.

7. Music – I love music but some of this crap is noise.  I’m not even talking about Soulja Boy Tell Em today.  I’m talking about these fools on American Idol, I’m talking about, country music (sans Charlie Pride and Ray Charles), and I’m talking about Soulja Boy.  HA HA HA, I don’t have to turn my swag on when I wake up, it’s automatic and turn that noise off.

6. The Camera – Without cameras there would be no Facebook.  I do like Facebook.  I don’t like getting random friend invites from someone who takes great pics but when you meet them in person, OH GOD, YOU DEVIL.  It’s a joke. 🙂

5.  Eyeglasses – Now, I’m just wrong for this one right? Wrong! If there were no glasses beer goggles would not be a factor and we could drink without fear of meeting the wrong person.  You’re so vain, I bet you think this post is about you, don’t you?

4.  Clothes – For different reasons I wish they had never been invented.  1. We’d be perfect (Another conversation for another day) 2. If clothes weren’t invented then spandex would never be invented and my eyes would not have to shudder when I see more of your business than your doctor sees when you don’t go to get check ups 3. Skinny jeans and sagging jeans would not exist.

3. The Computer – But for the invention of the computer there would be no Droid for iPhone haters to falsely claim is better than the iPhone.  All things would be equal and you wouldn’t have to kill yourself when the iPhone 4 comes out.  Shameless plug but get on my level. 🙂

2. Religion – I’m really not a heathen.  I am really spiritual but the invention of religion has served to oppress the masses and promote warfare in the name of something holy.  Y’all need to stop.

1.  The Number One Invention that Changed the World for the Better and Now the Worse – TELEVISION – Have you ever seen any of the Real Housewives, The Flavor of Love, Bobby and Whitney, Brandy and Ray J, The Kardasians, etc etc etc. un-Reality TV is the bane of my existence.

What do you think of my list?  Check out the conversation at the Nights @ the Round Table Page… HILARIOUS…

The N-Visible Man

June 6, 2010: What if You’re Wrong…

Imagine your name is Ron Wayne and a couple young geeky looking guys approach you and ask you to join up with them in starting a company.  You agree and you receive a 10% share in the company.  Geek 1 is all guts less brains and Geek 2 often engages in the “flights of fancy”.  There is a mutual admiration between your majority partners and you but for some reason they trust your judgment more than you trust theirs.  Would you sell your shares for more than an 800% profit? What about 8,000%? What about 80,000% Hard to pass up a quick R.O.I.  Ron Wayne being the shrewd business man that he is, decided to sell not to increase his profits but to mitigate his losses.  The only problem: Geek 1 and Geek 2 were not their real names it was Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak better known as the co-founders of Apple Computer.  Meet Ron Wayne the man who, had he kept his original 10% share in Apple Computer would be worth $22 Billion today.

I’m not advocating holding on to every piece of stock you have.  I am however saying, stop and think about your judgments and decisions that seem so right and justified today.  Be it your personal life, professional life or whatever life you choose.  Start a habit of saying “What if I’m wrong?”

The N-Visible Man

Why Men Cheat: My Theory on Women

The ultimate source of my knowledge begins with the first book I read, the Bible. Genesis explains that in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Sometime later he created man. He made from the rib of said man, Eve, the REAL PROTOTYPE. Soon afterwards, women started messing things up for all humanity.  This is my attempt to right the ship of life for us, men and women.  Notice I never said God erred so don’t go there with me; and this most certainly isn’t a misogynistic rant: AIN’T MY STYLE.

Ladies, have you ever asked yourself, WHY? Why, men cheat? Why, men lie? Why, men ain’t shit? Of course not, I’m making this up because you know the answer! But keep reading and your eyes and subsequent relationships will receive an elucidation for which you will thank me. Warning, this message is not for the faint of mind or reasoning.  So here is my Theory on Women and why men cheat or lie or do whatever else.

Females typically mature faster than do boys.  Puberty normally hits women at somewhere in the neighborhood of pre-teens.  In times past and lands distant these newly formed women were eligible for child-bearing and marriage.  As Chris Rock put it, somewhere around this time they have had to beat off indecent proposals nigh and far.  The beginning of functional womanhood correlates to menarche.

Guys are much slower to  join the club and stop shooting spring water – welcome to manhood.

While these two groups posses the tools neither equipped themselves with the ability to embark into the majority.  This isn’t however a lesson in biology.

Women have just changed for but the first time and men have changed for nearly the last.  The next time women change occurs when they are about to graduate from high school or around 18 years old.  They often change friends and men like underwear.  They become more ready to enter into social situations.  The high school boyfriend is very expendable because she is now looking for a man or woman as the case may be.  Open to experimentations and waffling.  This is not the last time women change.

Sometime around 23-25 years of age women become WOMEN.  Confident, assured and in a prime position to handle relationships from an emotional, psychological, and physical standpoint.  They often are finishing up their academic careers.  Here’s the tricky part: they project their emotional maturity on to men.  MISTAKE!!! With that most women that I have come across will have sex sooner and more often because hey they can handle it and they know what they want.  When this does not result in requited love or emotional reciprocity: FRUSTRATION!

Not done yet.  For those women who do not find what they are looking for at a previous stage in womanhood, around the ripe old age of 30 they began to go through a reflective period.  “Why am I not married?” “I want kids!” etc.  Until those questions are answered, there continues to be frustration and agony, FOR MEN!

The problem arises when these phases of life for men and women don’t coincide.  There becomes a communication gap.  Steve Harvey exhorts you to think like men but act like a lady and I submit that is part of the problem.  WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE.  Women don’t communicate their needs and wants.  They don’t communicate to men when they are in the third phase their desires.  They look for “stats.”  A close friend of mine, who will probably not agree with these sentiments showed a path that women should take.  She uplifted the man she was dating.  She helped him get through his phases to manhood.

No, I was not looking for help, but I needed it.

I can’t read your mind but now I know what you’re looking for.

I see you need

1. a toy – take time and enjoy your youth, you won’t find your soulmate until much later in life
2. a boy – men are usually not dogs in the tender years of teens and early adulthood.  At this age we don’t know how to cheat and lie in a relationship but women usually hurt us first and from that point we are ruined (EXPERIENCED).  You teach us how to do these things, unwittingly of course
3. a man – be patient we grow into maturity at around 30 but we won’t be forced into the tame boys that you once loved.

We need

1. a woman – I mean an influence of a mother, a teacher, and/or a confidant to teach us about women.  Lacking this we experience pain and learn how to dish out pain.
2. a girl – a girlfriend someone we can experience life with without the pressures of getting married or being anything but a single man.
3. a toy – let us experience FUN.  Don’t be afraid to let your man have his pleasures and on his own time he will reach manhood and come find a woman whom he can trust, love, and give his all to.

So, women whatever phase you are in be aware and then beware.  You won’t be able to force a man into your ideal of what a husband or partner should be.  If you are fortunate enough to get a good man when you want him consider yourself lucky and work with the brother not work on the brother.  Become the best woman you can be and you will find the partner you need – better still he will find you.  DON’T SETTLE and DON’T MEDDLE.  If you are looking for a path look to the book that taught me about life the Bible.  Proverbs 31 will guide you and the only man who died perfect didn’t truly become a man until he was about 30.

Yours,

The N-Visible Man

1 U.S.C. 68 – Man Law

Shhhhhhhh, Ladies, I have some secrets I want to share with you about me. These insights are profound, so follow along:

My daily routine includes sports in one way or another. I like gadgets, not as much as Tito, but I probably come in a close second. So when I was trying to fill the need for my daily routine I was ecstatic to find out that the iPhone had an App for that. And not just sports in general but in the words of DeWayne M. Carter, Jr. “Sports, Sports, Sports…” in his mixtape song “Sports Center.” Next to Jeopardy and Countdown with Keith Olberman Sports Center is my favorite show on CRT, LCD, LED OR PLASMA… Sports, Sports, Sports, I love sports.

Inter alia, I am all things Louisiana: WHO DAT!?!; beignets; and the family tree of New Orleans Bounce Music.

When I shit, shower, and shave in the morning (shut up RS 34), “Mike and Mike in the Morning” provides me with a steady stream of sports’ commentary and analysis of current sports’ events. However, we down south guys are cheap or in the King’s English, frugal. So, why buy a subscription to satellite radio when, there’s an App for that too.

Last Friday, while working for the man, the woman and the child I accidentally forgot to close the sports talk application on my iPhone and ended up listening the co-host of SportsNation with @ESPN_Michelle on his daily radio show. Normally, I’m annoyed by his voice and viewpoints but this time he was talking about the NFL’s main cable network and the Thursday night games and the general unavailability of these games to the average person. In making his point that the NFL is savvy by making their games more unavailable than other American sports, he said, and I’m INCORRECTLY quoting here: “the NFL is doing to fans like men should do with their families. Don’t give your wife or kids everything they ask for so when you do give them something they are more apt to appreciate it.”

That got me to thinking about other machismo filled edicts that the fellas normally refer to as Man Law: What, pre tell is Man Law? Is it an actual statute and if it is how is it enforced?

Yes, I’m about to take it there. Let’s answer the easy questions first. If you are found to have violated a provision of Section 68 of Title 1 of of the Universal Statutory Code you may suffer penalties up to but not limited to getting your MAN CARD PULLED. Man Law is an actual statute, Don’t you see the citation? So what is Man Law?

MAN LAW

Many have tried to put pen to pad to list man law. Some have been so bold as to make commercials about man law. However, the beauty of it is there is no list of what a man MUST do.

I was first exposed to it when my mother told me “a man should always wear a watch and have a wallet.” Women always have an idea of what a man must do but they are always wrong. Not for lack of knowledge but always for lack of insight. The list isn’t a set of rules but rather a collective thought of behavioral patterns in response to a situational catalyst.

What would a Man do if his boy’s side piece tries to holla at him?

First, he should take his time and evaluate what’s important in life. Far be it from this N-Visible Man to prioritize the status of the various players in a man’s life but I have some views on this particular situation. Have you ever heard the saying Bros before hoes? This principle applies in spades. You know what kind of man your boy is or isn’t. I’ve found that some who play the game don’t like when the game plays them back. Personally, I try to limit those people in my life. I can’t abide a hypocrite. A wise man once told me that you can only claim one woman. I tweaked that gem and funkdafied it to fit my life experiences: If you claim then you have to claim her. Now some friends, foes, and fogies don’t believe in sloppy seconds and I tell them all to GROW UP! For the Grown Folk I say go for what you know. But claim your actions and don’t try to be underhanded. Does that mean you should step to your boy and tell him? Absolutely! He may not like it but he can’t help but to respect the gangsta of another MAN. Or can he?

WWMD if he’s out in the club and he peeps his boy’s ole lady with another man getting too cozy?

I’ll start with what he shouldn’t do: GOSSIP! You are not breaking some unwritten code by not running back and telling him. A few scenarios resurface in my head. I was much younger and quite precocious and I lived in a small town outside of Lafayette, Louisiana called Cecilia. Here I was in the living room of our small yellow wood framed home jumping to and fro on chair, sofa, floor and any other obstacle to my country fun. CRACK, BAM, “OOPS!” You guessed it, I broke the arm off the sofa. It was all fun until my mom came home. She asked what happened, my older brother denied doing it, and hey since she wasn’t there SO DID I, “it wasn’t me.” Then out of the blue my brother told her that I did it. I wanted to bust him in the head. Don’t get confused with the details of me actually having committed the infraction and what he did was technically correct. My point is, if you snitch you get stitched. Seriously, there is no good that can come to your relationship with your friend. I still denied breaking the arm of the couch and I eventually was found out to have done it. How, I told on myself. And so will you’re boy’s ole lady. Now here’s the rub, if he asks you about the situation, and he will a MAN SHOULD ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH TO HIS BOYS.

WWMD if he’s invited to a lunch with his female boss (yes she’s fine) and the conversation becomes “interesting?”

Like a man, I would tap that! Sike! A close friend so crudely but truthfully put it, (paraphrasing) unless you’re making a ham & cheese DON’T PUT YOU MEAT WHERE YOU MAKE YOUR BREAD! I joined the learned counsel from California in this assesment, you shouldn’t. As with all rules there is an exception and this may provide such an occasion as an N-Visible Man would know! As a general principle you shouldn’t engage a woman who doesn’t have as much or more to lose than you. So double sike! But you have to be smart about it, by treating this as a business. As with all matters professional you should have a paper trail. Now, I don’t advocate snitchatory behavior; but, you email all things proposed and accomplished. When she invited you it is incombant upon you to confirm via email. Then, after the deed is done: “Ms. President I thank you for inviting me to a lovely lunch and a debriefing is acceptable to me so we can advance the company’s expectations of me. I want to produce all deliverable in an acceptable and timely fashion. Next [insert day of the week of the “lunch” here] should provide an ample assesment period to revisit deliverables.” Not only will she appreciate your descretion but you will put on a corporate Jimmy hat!

WWMD if his boy introduces him to “the One” and he possesses carnal knowledge of her “special skills?”

See above. Keep your mouth closed but this time she will too. I do wonder: if you are leaning towards female traits, WHY DID YOU LET HER ASS GO? I thought so! You are being selfish if you feel a strong urge to canary it up. Let’s face facts the same reason you kept hitting it is keeping your mans happy? All that can erupt from you letting him know is a magmatic disaster of the magnatude a man would want to avoid! Keep in mind if he asks you, 68 may not be for him so he deserves the raw funk. Then destroy his world, other than that Tell The Man-Truth. This is the perfect time to remove a piece of this N-Visible Veil. Being emotional is a female trait it defies reason and logic so the raw truth is the response that is not only warranted but justified. Justice is Just ICE. COLD!

WWMD if one of his friends is putting that man’s name in the streets?

Apply the last two sentences of the last scenario but add one ingedient, Glass! For more elaboration you should Google Miss Demeanor’s mid 2000s song: Hit That Bitch Wit a Bottle! Yeah “hit that bitch wit a bottle!” I don’t condone violence. This is discipline.

WWMD if one of his friends has a reputation for being (for my Omega friends) “OWT” and the man’s sister asks for an introduction to him?

This is a test of your manhood. It tests your love (philos) for another man while balancing your responsibility as a paternal reflection. A man should never hate on another man. I believe that when you are in the game you should be ALL IN! But this is lil’ sis and as my boy you should respect all that is mine – a potentially fatal assumption but one based on the ability to select an appropriate inner circle. Before you commit to a position an N-Visible man would first recognize the trust of your sister approaching you with the request. Had Gina done the same Tony would not have killed Manny and Barack wouldn’t be POTUS (different historically popped culture discussion that deserves its own post).

With the aforementioned appreciation in hand a man should have a heart-to-heart with the young Man-ny. Explain to him that your love for him is dwarfed by your chromosomal connection to your sister. Then after the introduction tell the truth to both of them. You’ve done your job and leave it alone. Hakuna Matata!

WWMD if he knows one of his friends to be a pathological liar?

INTERVENTION. ENOUGH SAID!

WWMD if he finds out his son is gay?

A recommend a 25-year old single malt and a few moments alone with “Redemption Song” by Bob Marley. No, get your mind out the gutter my son is too young for me to have faced this situation.

A man can take this blow to his ego. That is blood of your blood and flesh of your flesh so he should love his child(ren) unconditionally! We all face situations that may not be the most comfortable or conducive to the life we imagine. But LIFE IS REAL. Teach your son to be a man and put faith in your love to direct your heir apparent to make the right decisions even if those choices aren’t the ones you would make. A man should realize that your seeds are gifts from God and they are imperfect like you are.

WWMD if he finds out his teenage daughter is promiscuous?

You should have had a son like The N-Visible Man. Just kidding folks. You reap what you sow. Ok, I quit; however, it is true but not to that application. A man would take this opportunity to parent. Notice I didn’t say lord your morals and views but parent. All we can do as fathers is prepare our daughters for this thing called life.

Chris Rock charged dads with the task of keeping your daughters off the stripper pole. I disagree, kinda sorta. I say our job is to make sure that the pole doesn’t kill her. I’m only partially joking with that one. Irrespective of the choices made by your baby girl, a man should above all else love, protect and educate the young’ins. So next time you’re at Fuegos, Magic City or your local strip club listen to the other man’s daughter and tip her not because she us stacked but she’s going to help you in your endeavor to keep your baby your baby no matter what she does “Daddy.” OK that was a joke.

At the end of the day a man should do things his way. But the N-divisible truth is you should be a man in thought, speech, and insight.

What’s N Your Mind?