The Night I Made Love to Toni Morrison

We laid in my queen-sized bed.  I looked at her and she absolutely seduced me.  It was her voice as she spoke those words to me: “Like friendship, hatred needed more than physical intimacy; it wanted creativity and hard work to sustain itself.”  She didn’t have to say that she loved me, I could feel her touch.  That very moment she came into my embrace and we made passionate love.

Her silvery locks tickled my soul.  Her fingers made my spine tingle.  It was beautiful, it was not sordid or perverse.  She didn’t judge my performance, at least not to my face, she accepted me.

Now let me clarify, this most intimate interaction between the two of us did not include sexual contact.  I’m old enough to be her son.  But we made love.  She never laid eyes on me, I’m impotent to her prowess.  My feelings of inadequacy are borne of my deep desires to have her approval.

So I was laying there in her presence naked, not because of clothes, but out of a lack of worthiness.  I did not feel worthy to be her contemporary.  Although she is several years younger than my,deceased grandmother, Iris; my feelings are not because of a generational gap.  It is because of her ability to string words, ideas, and themes together in a manner that could only be compared to the climatic arc of the most erotic experiences of a human being.  I want to write like that.

She was in my hands, black and white.  As I began to read the first words of Love: “The women’s legs are spread wide open, so I hum. Men grow irritable, but they know it’s all for them. They relax. Standing by, unable to do anything but watch, is a trial, but I don’t say a word.” I knew that I wanted to learn how to do that.  Write.  I can’t hold a candle to her so why would I even try.

“If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.” – Chloe Wofford

Here I go.  I will write, for her, for me, for our love.

Thank you Toni, for the moment in my life that you encouraged me to be your contemporary.

Tribute to Black Women: The Daughters of Dark Sorrow

Today was a big day for me to reflect.  Seems I’ve done quite a bit of that lately. 25 years ago, March was officially recognized in the United States as Women’s History Month.  Now, mind you, prior to March 2, 1974, I never had any contact with a woman (if I was born 40 weeks after conception, March 2, 1974 is the magical day/night)… OK let me space out for a second, I’m a FREAK, and so I’m hoping Big Sam and my fast Mama (for a later post but not what you think) got busy in a car, the Superdome, or in either of their parents’ bed.  OK, where were we? Yeah, that’s right, this post will probably prevent me from ever running for office and winning (unless y’all like skeletons), but the demographic of Homo sapiens that I least trust is WHITE WOMEN – cue CAVE BITCH by Ice Cube f/ Khalid Muhammed.  No, I’m not racist, this is from experience. I do like some white women, and the reason I distrust white women is empirical, historical and ecumenical.  But more than anything, white women are the counterpart of my favorite demographic is that of Black Women. I’ve never met every white woman nor have I met every Black woman, but the truth of the matter is that Black women are the most forgiving, the strongest, and the, *sighs in ecstasy,* most inspirational race and gender combination ever CREATED.  And because of that axiom, I pay tribute to Black Women.

Now, let me confess, I have dated, been involved in a relationship, and fucked non-Black women… I spent time around Lake Minnetonka and I was in a full-blown relationship with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel.  She played golf, she BBQ’d for me every Sunday, and she was cool with me smoking cigars.  The problem with the relationship was that I couldn’t get over the fact that when she was riding me, reverse cow girl, there was a tan line where her thong was… I mean not just a tan line but it was the difference between 2% and Chocolate milk (unless you are in my brain, don’t try to understand).  I would hang out with the Lynx and Mercury and I was embarrassed to bring my girl around.  What was wrong with her, she wasn’t a sister.

I recall the poetry of the rhythmic American poet, AMG, who once stated in the song “Bitch Better Have My Money,” There ain’t nuttin’ like Black pussy on my dick, word to the muthafucka, DJ Quik…”  I know this song is steeped in misogyny, but there is a Black woman somewhere in the world that will forgive me for calling her a BITCH.  Man, hold up, I’m not calling my mother, daughter, sister a bitch, are you crazy?  But if I would have, she would forgive me.  Our mothers walk with grace, accept the bullshit that they endure from Niggas, Wiggas, and Bitches and cook us biscuits in the morning.  Prime example is the FLOTUS, Michelle Robinson Obama.  She was educated in the best schools, she learned game from her brother, she fucks a dude that could fuck YOU or your girl (OK), and is a mother to two beautiful Black daughters.  She loves your kids and she’s, oh yea, the most well-educated first lady in the history of the United States.  And she deals with people calling her a terrorist and anything that you can imagine that would disrespect a Black woman … And what does she do in response: (at least publicly)

C’mon Son… But really, I think of the women that I’ve done wrong and at the end of the day, that’s the reaction I got… I mean, I’ve done some fucked up stuff… I mean, what’s the worst you’ve done? I’ve done worse.  Black women endured the rape, pillage and plunder of their land (I’m talking slavery) and you’ve never seen an insurrection led by a Black woman. (LOOK UP THE WORD INSURRECTION).  But although FLOTUS is the most famous example, I want you to think of a Black woman you know, she will accept your friends and she will forgive your dog ass when neither are expected or necessary.  I’m working on a book that consists of letters to Black women I’ve done wrong, so you’ll over-stand this point when you buy the book… LOL (Shameless Plug).

My favorite erudite once said of Black women:  “but we have, too, a vast group of women of Negro blood who [have] strength of character, cleanness of soul, and unselfish devotion of purpose…”  This is a tribute to my mother.  Carolyn Sonnier raised 4 boys… Her second, the best looking… But seriously, my mom, fought puberty and beat cancer and remains classy.  My father was for all intents and purposes a deadbeat… (nah he wasn’t that bad) but nigga didn’t pay child support (I still love my late Father but this ain’t about him) and my mom worked her ass off to get us out the projects into a small ass house.  My younger brother’s dad (my former step dad)  beat the shit out of my mom… I remember well… I couldn’t be more than 7 or 8.  I never saw a beating that bad before or since. Fuck, the memories… But my mom, I can’t remember her missing a beat (we left).  My baby brother’s dad was a pure alcoholic… He wasn’t abusive but he was soon, gone (I’ve wondered if that was the catalyst of the aforementioned ass whoppin) – NO EXCUSE.  I know that now but that was the thought of a pre-teen thinker.  She remarried again and won the prize with a bona fide crack head.  I mean he’d come home late Friday night (every one) drinking all the milk in the house *Kanye shrug* with lips swollen and have the nerve to claim he got robbed or some other lame ass excuse.  What I remember is what I remember.  I remember my mom, teaching me how to play football.  I remember my mom getting off of work and going to a second job.  I remember my mom contemplating suicide while I feigned sleep on the sofa.  I remember her sacrificing simple pleasures for herself to send me to New Orleans to debate in high school.  So forgive me if I’m impressed by Black women, look at my example.  She is my rock and even today she’ll send me a text “Good Morning Handsome, just thinking about you…” just when it’s needed.

No I also mentioned the erotic excitement Black women.  No I’m not going Oedipus on you.  I’m talking about every other Black woman out there.  When I lived in DC, Craig (my big brotha from anotha) and I used to play this game, we’d walk down the street and one of us would yell out, “Say something nice about her!”  She was always Black but she didn’t always conform to the Cosmopolitan view of beauty.  However, it could be a smile, it could be how she walked, it could be how she just looked nurturing… all signs of beauty that I submit is a quality innate to Black females.

In this month of March that is dedicated to Women in general, let me give a SHOUT OUT to all my BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN… I love you and I SALUTE YOU… The Sorrow that you have seen has done nothing to change your status with me.  The Darkness of your skin comforts me in my times of absence of light… this paradox is reconciled by the fact that I see your beauty from the inside out.  So as W.E.B. DuBois penned in the Damnation of Women:

“For this, their promise, and for their hard past, I honor the women of my race. Their beauty,—their dark and mysterious beauty of midnight eyes, crumpled hair, and soft, full-featured faces—is perhaps more to me than to you, because I was born to its warm and subtle spell; but their worth is yours as well as mine. No other women on earth could have emerged from the hell of force and temptation which once engulfed and still surrounds black women in America with half the modesty and womanliness that they retain… I have known and seen and lived beside them, but none have I known more sweetly feminine, more unswervingly loyal, more desperately earnest, and more instinctively pure in body and in soul than the daughters of my black mothers. This, then,—a little thing—to their memory and inspiration.”

This is my Tribute to the Black Woman.

Karma: The Gospel of a Sinner

Haven’t done this in a while but I won’t utter any apologias for grammar, spelling or otherwise abandoning the King’s Speech. I need this to be RAW and my flow needs to move down my aorta without stopping at my brachial, antecubital, or radial regions of my artial system. I need my Xi to squeeze this thru my little capillaries to this media unadulterated. Fuck!!! Let’s go.

I fucked up at the wrong time. I am a ten-year older that saw a shiny red bike that I just had to have. I’m impoveri… Fuck that, I’m emotionally bankrupt but I assure my mom that if I get the bike I’ll do right. I’ll do my homework, ride my bike, clean her after my ride, oil each link of the chain… I know I trampled on my toys from Christmases past but if you get this bike for me it will be different. So now the fucked thing is I got a scooter for my Birthday on October 2 and I ghost rode that bitch in traffic and right into an 18-wheeler. So, I understand that to ask my poor mom to go in debt for my ungrateful ass is a reach. My mom taught me a lesson and on Christmas day she got me what I deserved, a not so shiny lump of coal. WTF, mom. She sat me down and told me that if I wanted to get my shiny red bike, I’d have to work at it. So I got the message and applied millenniums worth of pressure to turn my heart into a diamond. And I found someone who was going to treasure my heart and I sold it. Like this musing, I passed every bank where I could invest the money to go straight to the tip of the store where the shiny red bike was located. What did I find? One shiny red bike left over from this years Christmas rush. To top it off, it was on sale. I couldn’t believe there were no buyers. She was more shiny than I could have hoped for; I pushed through lines at the store and went in line with a pocket full of money. The cashier told me some price and despite the cost I gave every cent I earned from my barter of my heart. Before the cashier could finish counting, I jumped on my treasure and rode out the store. I yelled back at the cashier in pursuit to give me change, “KEEP IT.” I felt in the depths of my soul that I made the deal of the era.

I remembered the lessons I learned and the promises made. I went to school and told all my friends about my new shiny bike, I told the principal, the janitor, teachers, I shouted to the top of the world, I got my bike. Listening to my excitement was, the local bully. I mean this was the meanest muthafucker the world has ever seen. After school I hit the corner and I was was awakened by the reality of a Louisville Slugger to my head. I flipped off my bike but landed on my feet with blood rushing from my mouth only being raced by my teeth. But fuck it, like I taught my first born, pain is temporary, glory is forever; so I threw my sets up ready to defend my bike against the bully. To my amazement he had friends who grabbed my arms and opened me up to the most violent punch I will ever feel. I folded over with tears of glory coming from my eyes. I was just gut punched.

When I looked up, I was even more surprised to see the bully was still there but his had was extended to shake my hand. He asked me my name. I straighten up and proudly answered, “Jonathan Brent Campbell” and I quickly asked him, where’s my shiny red bike.

He looked into my soul and responded, “JC took it”

Just then my shiny red bike vanished

Damn, Karma!!!

Please forgive me, Shiny Red Bike for my irresponsibility with you. I pray you return. Lesson learned

6.14.2010: Puff, Puff, Pass the Legislation

California, Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Montana, Michigan, Alaska, Hawai’i, Maine, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Maryland and the District of Columbia are the 16 jurisdictions that have medical marijuana laws on the books or set to be placed on the books in some way shape or form.  However, as it stands no federal laws allow for medicinal use of Mary Jane.

My opinion is that the medical use of marijuana will soon be approved by the FDA.  Why? People want it.  I was listening to the story on NPR and they are doing a series on “The New Marijuana” that I found to be most interesting.  Click on the links to check out the stories.  Let me know what you think.  Should it be legalized?  Is it a slippery slope, that is by passing the FDA regulations for approval of a drug for medicine?  Do you believe President Obama when he says his administration is not interested in prosecuting doctors and patients who use medical marijuana?

Passing the blunt, I mean the pen to you:

The N-Visible Man

6.11.2010: The Next Barack Obama?

I’m sorry but I need for the world to meet the Black man who has accomplished something that even our beloved President has not.  Are you curious?  Click on over to N-Visible Politricks to meet Alvin Greene.

6.10.2010: So, You Think You’re Smarter than a Cliche’

Yesterday, I flipped great inventions into something sick and twisted.  That’s, quite frankly, how my mind works, not sick and twisted, but I like to flip things.  However, this time I will assume the moniker of a Superhero I like to call Literal Larry (there’s a story behind this one).  We will take a cliché and show you why I think they are stupid because they often are misused and overused and show what they really mean.

The Cliche’:  The 10 Most Stupid:

10.  The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree – I know this cliché’ should make you feel warm and fuzzy because it refers to children taking on traits of their parents, but upon further inspection, it’s not necessarily true.  If the tree is on a hill it may not fall far from the tree but it will surely roll down hill.  And what about those apples that fall directly into a collection for resale and consumption?  The proper cliché should be: If you are an apple, hang on for dear life, you may get eaten.

9.  Beggars Can’t Be Choosers – We all love this one because when being generous no one wants the object of your generosity to be ungrateful.  WRONG! Give or don’t give because you want to or not and stop worrying about the receiver.  Need help with this one let’s try this cliché’: I got some ice cream and you can’t get none, wanna lick? Sike! Movie one liners sum it all up (I know it was a comedy).

8.  That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger – Yeah, yeah, yeah? If you make it through alive you will be better because of your trial.  B.S. If death were really possible, the will probably make you weaker.  Try suffering through food poisoning.  It may not kill you, but you damn sure will be weakened by it.  The proper cliché’ is:  If you survived it, don’t do that dumb stuff again.

7.  A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step – YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD.  What about those millions of people who can’t walk?  Can they not travel too?  I hear you saying that forward progress is necessary to accomplish a goal but let’s go to music for this one:  “Move B!tch, Get Out the Way!”

6.  Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me That It’s Raining – Straight to what it should be: If you pee on my leg… Look, just don’t pee on my leg.

5.  People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Throw Stones – People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones through the glass. And, why are you living in a glass house?

4.  The Light at the End of the Tunnel – You’re finished with your goal.  When I say you’re finished I’m not saying you’ve completed your task, I’m saying you’re dead because of the high speed Aceala train coming at you – that’s what the light was dummy.  It should be: Git ‘er done.

3.  When in Rome Do as the Romans Do – Well that wouldn’t work because the Romans go into their homes without knocking.  Try this one:  When you visit my home ask before you get put out.

2. Good Things Come to Those That Wait –  That may be true if good things were coming in your direction already; but, what if good things were going away from you?  Don’t you think you may want to chance the good thing down.  That leads me to my penultimate better cliché’:  If you smart enough and fast enough, good things can be caught.

1.  THE DUMBEST CLICHE’ OF ALL TIME:  Give it 110% (or any number over 100%).  What the hell are you talking about?  If you are saying that you are giving your absolute best you are in fact saying you’re giving your all or 100%.  But if you are saying you have 10% in reserve somewhere, then guess what?  You didn’t give your ALL the first time.  Better cliché’:  I’m giving you 100% of what I think you deserve, but only 50% of my capacity. Tell that one to your boss and I promise you won’t have to attend the next office meeting.

What are your favorite clichés or least liked ones.  Scroll down to the bottom and comment.  Obscene & Not Herd has also been updated so check it out by clicking on the link.

The N-Visible Man

June 9, 2010: Re-Invention of Cool

Every morning when I go to work I dread getting behind someone who thought it was a good idea to have a rollie bag.  It usually ends with them stopping short near the escalator or them slowing down and someone running into the bag.  That got me to thinking:  What inventions that changed the world are starting to piss me off.

Top 10 Inventions that Changed the World for the Better and Now for the Worse

10.  The Clock – If there were no clocks we would be required to come to work during some time frame as opposed to a time certain.  “Yeah get to work before the sun gets to mid-sky.”  Good-bye CP Time.

9.  The Phone – No, I don’t want to go back to smoke signals but how many times have you wondered, “Why doesn’t he call me back?” If there were no phone you wouldn’t have that stress in your life.  How many times have you said, “Unknown caller? That must be a bill collector, I won’t answer?” I’m just saying our stress level would be lower.

8. The Wheel – GOD I HATE ROLLIE BAGS. Get your work out on lazy.

7. Music – I love music but some of this crap is noise.  I’m not even talking about Soulja Boy Tell Em today.  I’m talking about these fools on American Idol, I’m talking about, country music (sans Charlie Pride and Ray Charles), and I’m talking about Soulja Boy.  HA HA HA, I don’t have to turn my swag on when I wake up, it’s automatic and turn that noise off.

6. The Camera – Without cameras there would be no Facebook.  I do like Facebook.  I don’t like getting random friend invites from someone who takes great pics but when you meet them in person, OH GOD, YOU DEVIL.  It’s a joke. 🙂

5.  Eyeglasses – Now, I’m just wrong for this one right? Wrong! If there were no glasses beer goggles would not be a factor and we could drink without fear of meeting the wrong person.  You’re so vain, I bet you think this post is about you, don’t you?

4.  Clothes – For different reasons I wish they had never been invented.  1. We’d be perfect (Another conversation for another day) 2. If clothes weren’t invented then spandex would never be invented and my eyes would not have to shudder when I see more of your business than your doctor sees when you don’t go to get check ups 3. Skinny jeans and sagging jeans would not exist.

3. The Computer – But for the invention of the computer there would be no Droid for iPhone haters to falsely claim is better than the iPhone.  All things would be equal and you wouldn’t have to kill yourself when the iPhone 4 comes out.  Shameless plug but get on my level. 🙂

2. Religion – I’m really not a heathen.  I am really spiritual but the invention of religion has served to oppress the masses and promote warfare in the name of something holy.  Y’all need to stop.

1.  The Number One Invention that Changed the World for the Better and Now the Worse – TELEVISION – Have you ever seen any of the Real Housewives, The Flavor of Love, Bobby and Whitney, Brandy and Ray J, The Kardasians, etc etc etc. un-Reality TV is the bane of my existence.

What do you think of my list?  Check out the conversation at the Nights @ the Round Table Page… HILARIOUS…

The N-Visible Man

June 6, 2010: What if You’re Wrong…

Imagine your name is Ron Wayne and a couple young geeky looking guys approach you and ask you to join up with them in starting a company.  You agree and you receive a 10% share in the company.  Geek 1 is all guts less brains and Geek 2 often engages in the “flights of fancy”.  There is a mutual admiration between your majority partners and you but for some reason they trust your judgment more than you trust theirs.  Would you sell your shares for more than an 800% profit? What about 8,000%? What about 80,000% Hard to pass up a quick R.O.I.  Ron Wayne being the shrewd business man that he is, decided to sell not to increase his profits but to mitigate his losses.  The only problem: Geek 1 and Geek 2 were not their real names it was Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak better known as the co-founders of Apple Computer.  Meet Ron Wayne the man who, had he kept his original 10% share in Apple Computer would be worth $22 Billion today.

I’m not advocating holding on to every piece of stock you have.  I am however saying, stop and think about your judgments and decisions that seem so right and justified today.  Be it your personal life, professional life or whatever life you choose.  Start a habit of saying “What if I’m wrong?”

The N-Visible Man

June 4, 2010: The New and Improved N-Visible Manifesto

Increase the frequency!  The subscribers to my blog have said.  And I listened.  The N-Visible Manifesto will dramatically increase in frequency thanks to all of you who read and respond to my posts.  The format has changed as well.  The Manifesto will still be the primary post and you can play around with the pages to see the changes.  The blog post on the left will be the most recent post and you should also be able to take note of the last two posts, in case you missed it.  Notice the hyperlinks at the top of the page:

1. “full-os-o-fee” – is a brief bio and snippet by the contributing authors and me.  It’s named full-os-o-fee because well it’s our/my philosophy and it explains that we will dive into all topics from the sublime to the serious as we see things.  The only fee will be a few moments of your time.
2. “Obscene and not Herd” – is my oldest page and you will get the RAW and uncut views that are not for the sheepish followers of social norms – last warning.
3. “Nights @ the Round Table” – is my pet project that will allow you to follow me around with the fellas and get an over-the-shoulder peek into the real life conversations that me and my friends have.  Please grab a seat and participate.  I’m not scared of what you have to say, can you say the same?
4. “N-Visible Politricks” – is a page about the political machine that I love as a matter of principle but we will strip it naked and get real down and dirty with it and how this tricks of the trade work.
5. “Seal of Approval” – is my way of showing you what I like.  Think of this page as Oprah’s Favorites on DOPE.
6. The last two are ways you can catch up when you can’t keep up.

Please play around with the blog and I hope you enjoy.  The first posts are but a sample and I promise you will experience an N-finitely Unique View of the Human Condition.

The N-Visible Man

P.S. – If you scroll to the bottom you can subscribe the blog and see the contributing authors.  If you are brave enough to contribute as an author.  Let me know.

May 12, 2010: Crazy, Sexy, Cool… My Perfect Woman

Once, someone accused me of the unthinkable crime of loving women.  The indictment went something like this:  Ex:  “[N-Visible Man] you aren’t ready to settle down, you love the ladies too much.”  This statement initially put me on the defensive because I was wholly aware of what that connoted.  She accused me of being a Phelpsean philanderer to the Nth degree.  However, in my earlier years my paternal grandmother noted about me that I have an uncanny ability to take ill-meted discipline and using the criticism to improve on my behavior or disposition.  So I reached way back and decided to evaluate the comment and  generated an alternate perception – as if that were possible.  I do love women and adore ladies.  They are perfectly made in their insanity.  God created with wiles that destroy my soul into satisfaction.  God put them in a position to defuse my chi.  This post will dive N-to why I say women are crazy, sexy and cool all in the same package;  I will also lay out what I consider my perfect woman – as if one exists.

In a recent conversation, I laid out, from an N-Visible perspective of course, that all women are crazy.  To be sure, the conversation was filled with Bourbon or maybe vodka, wait, it was a combination of the two.  Women are all crazy was my assertion and she took me to task on my idiotic statement that I support today.  I told my lady friend to pick one woman dead or alive and I would break down her lack of sanity.  To my amazement and pleasure she selected Eve.  The conversation wouldn’t have worked as well if she had picked someone who I didn’t have knowledge of but she did and I went in.  First, I said, she spoke to a serpent and where I’m from, talking with the inanimate is the surest way to be declared CRAZY.  Conversing with animals is the second.  We went back and forth for a second or 360 before she pulled out a bible to explain to me how “the serpent approached Eve and asked her a question.” <<<<—-whispering– “crazy.”  I mean if I walked up to you and said, “Hey, Reader, I was walking through a garden and I came across a snake and I was talking with it.”  What would you say to me?  Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer, we both know the answer.  But, getting off of the example of Eve, ladies, how many times have you went off on someone for no reason whatsoever?  I mean you really went off only to later admit to yourself your behavior was inexcusable and unwarranted.  That behavior can only be described as crazy.  A major female organ derived its name from the Greek word that has colloquially been referred to as hysteria.  The portion of the brain that controls impulses, in ancient times, was removed to deal with female hysteria.  I mean I’m not going to continue to go in on women being CRAZY, DERANGED but the point is to say that y’all are and since I love you so much what does that make me?  SIMPLE.  (We’re not talking about me today)

Ladies take one second and look in the mirror.  You are so sexy.  You exude sex appeal.  The entire human race would cease to exist but for your fine, CRAZY, beautiful, CRAZY, tantalizing, CRAZY being.  I don’t know how to explain it any better.  However, not all women are created equally from a physical standpoint so how could I make such a sweeping generalization.  I’m going to call out a close friend of mine who I’ve spent countless hours philosophizing on the ways of the world and women.  We play a little game while walking down the street.  Here’s an excerpt:  NightHawk: “N-Visible Man, look at her [pointing to a woman that may be lacking some physical presence according to social norms].  Say something nice about her.”  N-Visible Man: “Look at her cute face, her dimples are just perfect and that accentuates her smile.”  The game isn’t a game at all we try to find something positive to say about random women we see but sometimes it’s challenging and we may not be able to say anything more than “I bet she is sweet as pie.”  The key is that all of you are SEXY in your own way, shape or size and I truly love you for it.

There is at least one woman for every man.  That woman can break that man down to allow him to be vulnerable.  He can open up to her despite all the challenges the world faces.  That’s such a cool experience once you’ve been there.  Simply put all women are Crazy, Sexy and Cool and as such, I love all of you. BUT I’m not N- that mood today.  I want to talk about one woman in particular.  She inspires in me the brilliance that I know exists in me.  This post is dedicated to her:  My Perfect Woman.  Many of my female friends and I have had audience with each other where they attempt to get into my head and figure out what’s my type of woman.  The simple answer is I don’t have a type of woman.  But, no one believes me so I created a list of characteristics that would make my type:  1) Beautiful 2) Confident 3) Intelligent 4) Loyal 5) A Freak in Bed.  Don’t judge me.  I’m working on my first novel and this woman inspires me on the level of the introduction to my novel, History – A Novel of His Story:

When you have been without the true companionship of a woman for two years, you start to miss them; it doesn’t matter that I chose a life of emotional celibacy.  Last night I was able to reflect on the status of my personal life. I realize now that there are two women for me. One I have met but never see and the other I have seen but have yet to meet. I forgave the former and I pray the latter will forgive me – I know she will. I miss the former and I am danger of never knowing the latter. God knows I’m ready for her; is she ready for me – I know she will be. She isn’t looking for Mr. Right because Fate has found him in me – [The N-Visible Man]!

Here goes everything.  This PERFECT WOMAN is an amalgamation of the following:  I love Southern woman.  No one walks in high heels like a Southern girl.  I was walking out of my building for lunch today and I found no fewer than 5 women who couldn’t walk in heels.  She will make love to you the way a woman should and get up cook biscuits from scratch in the morning.  She will carry your water.  If you don’t know what that means, you aren’t from the south.  Now I try not to call out names in particular because that’s just not my thing.

SWITCH!  I was watching a talk show and my muse was on the show.  Her name is Vivian Green.  I mention her because when I write, I write to her music.  She’s been my favorite singer since she first came out, this is no secret.  But, here’s why.  If you ask me to explain myself in one word, I’ll say PASSION!  Passion is how I live my life and this woman sings with passion and that’s probably because she writes most of her own lyrics and it’s about her life.  I know others do that, but when I started writing my novel I understood what it means to pour your soul into your work and I appreciate that about her music.  I digress, this woman talks about her family especially her son at her shows.  Her brother, who is a talent in his own right, helped her with a couple of songs on her album Beautiful. (BUY IT)  I love a woman who loves her family.  I am not star struck at all, in fact, I’m usually unimpressed by celebrities, but if Vivian Green were not in a relationship I would seriously have to try to get her attention.

Finally, my perfect woman is my PERFECT PERSON – my best friend.  She doesn’t have to agree with all I do but she has to abide my vices (SMOKING CIGARS and PLAYING POKER).  I mean I know that sounds selfish but it’s not intended to be so.  I try not to break major laws so my vices are something I do for me.  If a person can’t allow you to be you they are not the person for you because they are trying to make you into their idea of what you should be and that is some B.S.  She can abide my vices because she has her own life.  I know it’s great to come together and do couples stuff.  If you are together all the time and when you’re not you’re texting, chatting, or talking on the phone, what will there be for you to discuss in each others presence?  NOTHING.  Finally, she has to be able to hold an intelligent conversation.  Here’s the N-Visible Test:  If after sex I want to talk to you, you may be in the Perfect Potential category.

You’ve just read a teaser to my Novel and specifically the main characters are based on me (Davis) and my Perfect Woman (Jones).  Please let me know what you think about them and if you comment here I promise you an autographed first edition copy of History – A Novel of His Story.  If not, thanks for flowing with me while I was N- the Mood.

Blessings,

The N-Visible Man