The Night I Made Love to Toni Morrison

We laid in my queen-sized bed.  I looked at her and she absolutely seduced me.  It was her voice as she spoke those words to me: “Like friendship, hatred needed more than physical intimacy; it wanted creativity and hard work to sustain itself.”  She didn’t have to say that she loved me, I could feel her touch.  That very moment she came into my embrace and we made passionate love.

Her silvery locks tickled my soul.  Her fingers made my spine tingle.  It was beautiful, it was not sordid or perverse.  She didn’t judge my performance, at least not to my face, she accepted me.

Now let me clarify, this most intimate interaction between the two of us did not include sexual contact.  I’m old enough to be her son.  But we made love.  She never laid eyes on me, I’m impotent to her prowess.  My feelings of inadequacy are borne of my deep desires to have her approval.

So I was laying there in her presence naked, not because of clothes, but out of a lack of worthiness.  I did not feel worthy to be her contemporary.  Although she is several years younger than my,deceased grandmother, Iris; my feelings are not because of a generational gap.  It is because of her ability to string words, ideas, and themes together in a manner that could only be compared to the climatic arc of the most erotic experiences of a human being.  I want to write like that.

She was in my hands, black and white.  As I began to read the first words of Love: “The women’s legs are spread wide open, so I hum. Men grow irritable, but they know it’s all for them. They relax. Standing by, unable to do anything but watch, is a trial, but I don’t say a word.” I knew that I wanted to learn how to do that.  Write.  I can’t hold a candle to her so why would I even try.

“If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.” – Chloe Wofford

Here I go.  I will write, for her, for me, for our love.

Thank you Toni, for the moment in my life that you encouraged me to be your contemporary.

6.14.2010: Puff, Puff, Pass the Legislation

California, Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Montana, Michigan, Alaska, Hawai’i, Maine, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Maryland and the District of Columbia are the 16 jurisdictions that have medical marijuana laws on the books or set to be placed on the books in some way shape or form.  However, as it stands no federal laws allow for medicinal use of Mary Jane.

My opinion is that the medical use of marijuana will soon be approved by the FDA.  Why? People want it.  I was listening to the story on NPR and they are doing a series on “The New Marijuana” that I found to be most interesting.  Click on the links to check out the stories.  Let me know what you think.  Should it be legalized?  Is it a slippery slope, that is by passing the FDA regulations for approval of a drug for medicine?  Do you believe President Obama when he says his administration is not interested in prosecuting doctors and patients who use medical marijuana?

Passing the blunt, I mean the pen to you:

The N-Visible Man

May 12, 2010: Crazy, Sexy, Cool… My Perfect Woman

Once, someone accused me of the unthinkable crime of loving women.  The indictment went something like this:  Ex:  “[N-Visible Man] you aren’t ready to settle down, you love the ladies too much.”  This statement initially put me on the defensive because I was wholly aware of what that connoted.  She accused me of being a Phelpsean philanderer to the Nth degree.  However, in my earlier years my paternal grandmother noted about me that I have an uncanny ability to take ill-meted discipline and using the criticism to improve on my behavior or disposition.  So I reached way back and decided to evaluate the comment and  generated an alternate perception – as if that were possible.  I do love women and adore ladies.  They are perfectly made in their insanity.  God created with wiles that destroy my soul into satisfaction.  God put them in a position to defuse my chi.  This post will dive N-to why I say women are crazy, sexy and cool all in the same package;  I will also lay out what I consider my perfect woman – as if one exists.

In a recent conversation, I laid out, from an N-Visible perspective of course, that all women are crazy.  To be sure, the conversation was filled with Bourbon or maybe vodka, wait, it was a combination of the two.  Women are all crazy was my assertion and she took me to task on my idiotic statement that I support today.  I told my lady friend to pick one woman dead or alive and I would break down her lack of sanity.  To my amazement and pleasure she selected Eve.  The conversation wouldn’t have worked as well if she had picked someone who I didn’t have knowledge of but she did and I went in.  First, I said, she spoke to a serpent and where I’m from, talking with the inanimate is the surest way to be declared CRAZY.  Conversing with animals is the second.  We went back and forth for a second or 360 before she pulled out a bible to explain to me how “the serpent approached Eve and asked her a question.” <<<<—-whispering– “crazy.”  I mean if I walked up to you and said, “Hey, Reader, I was walking through a garden and I came across a snake and I was talking with it.”  What would you say to me?  Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer, we both know the answer.  But, getting off of the example of Eve, ladies, how many times have you went off on someone for no reason whatsoever?  I mean you really went off only to later admit to yourself your behavior was inexcusable and unwarranted.  That behavior can only be described as crazy.  A major female organ derived its name from the Greek word that has colloquially been referred to as hysteria.  The portion of the brain that controls impulses, in ancient times, was removed to deal with female hysteria.  I mean I’m not going to continue to go in on women being CRAZY, DERANGED but the point is to say that y’all are and since I love you so much what does that make me?  SIMPLE.  (We’re not talking about me today)

Ladies take one second and look in the mirror.  You are so sexy.  You exude sex appeal.  The entire human race would cease to exist but for your fine, CRAZY, beautiful, CRAZY, tantalizing, CRAZY being.  I don’t know how to explain it any better.  However, not all women are created equally from a physical standpoint so how could I make such a sweeping generalization.  I’m going to call out a close friend of mine who I’ve spent countless hours philosophizing on the ways of the world and women.  We play a little game while walking down the street.  Here’s an excerpt:  NightHawk: “N-Visible Man, look at her [pointing to a woman that may be lacking some physical presence according to social norms].  Say something nice about her.”  N-Visible Man: “Look at her cute face, her dimples are just perfect and that accentuates her smile.”  The game isn’t a game at all we try to find something positive to say about random women we see but sometimes it’s challenging and we may not be able to say anything more than “I bet she is sweet as pie.”  The key is that all of you are SEXY in your own way, shape or size and I truly love you for it.

There is at least one woman for every man.  That woman can break that man down to allow him to be vulnerable.  He can open up to her despite all the challenges the world faces.  That’s such a cool experience once you’ve been there.  Simply put all women are Crazy, Sexy and Cool and as such, I love all of you. BUT I’m not N- that mood today.  I want to talk about one woman in particular.  She inspires in me the brilliance that I know exists in me.  This post is dedicated to her:  My Perfect Woman.  Many of my female friends and I have had audience with each other where they attempt to get into my head and figure out what’s my type of woman.  The simple answer is I don’t have a type of woman.  But, no one believes me so I created a list of characteristics that would make my type:  1) Beautiful 2) Confident 3) Intelligent 4) Loyal 5) A Freak in Bed.  Don’t judge me.  I’m working on my first novel and this woman inspires me on the level of the introduction to my novel, History – A Novel of His Story:

When you have been without the true companionship of a woman for two years, you start to miss them; it doesn’t matter that I chose a life of emotional celibacy.  Last night I was able to reflect on the status of my personal life. I realize now that there are two women for me. One I have met but never see and the other I have seen but have yet to meet. I forgave the former and I pray the latter will forgive me – I know she will. I miss the former and I am danger of never knowing the latter. God knows I’m ready for her; is she ready for me – I know she will be. She isn’t looking for Mr. Right because Fate has found him in me – [The N-Visible Man]!

Here goes everything.  This PERFECT WOMAN is an amalgamation of the following:  I love Southern woman.  No one walks in high heels like a Southern girl.  I was walking out of my building for lunch today and I found no fewer than 5 women who couldn’t walk in heels.  She will make love to you the way a woman should and get up cook biscuits from scratch in the morning.  She will carry your water.  If you don’t know what that means, you aren’t from the south.  Now I try not to call out names in particular because that’s just not my thing.

SWITCH!  I was watching a talk show and my muse was on the show.  Her name is Vivian Green.  I mention her because when I write, I write to her music.  She’s been my favorite singer since she first came out, this is no secret.  But, here’s why.  If you ask me to explain myself in one word, I’ll say PASSION!  Passion is how I live my life and this woman sings with passion and that’s probably because she writes most of her own lyrics and it’s about her life.  I know others do that, but when I started writing my novel I understood what it means to pour your soul into your work and I appreciate that about her music.  I digress, this woman talks about her family especially her son at her shows.  Her brother, who is a talent in his own right, helped her with a couple of songs on her album Beautiful. (BUY IT)  I love a woman who loves her family.  I am not star struck at all, in fact, I’m usually unimpressed by celebrities, but if Vivian Green were not in a relationship I would seriously have to try to get her attention.

Finally, my perfect woman is my PERFECT PERSON – my best friend.  She doesn’t have to agree with all I do but she has to abide my vices (SMOKING CIGARS and PLAYING POKER).  I mean I know that sounds selfish but it’s not intended to be so.  I try not to break major laws so my vices are something I do for me.  If a person can’t allow you to be you they are not the person for you because they are trying to make you into their idea of what you should be and that is some B.S.  She can abide my vices because she has her own life.  I know it’s great to come together and do couples stuff.  If you are together all the time and when you’re not you’re texting, chatting, or talking on the phone, what will there be for you to discuss in each others presence?  NOTHING.  Finally, she has to be able to hold an intelligent conversation.  Here’s the N-Visible Test:  If after sex I want to talk to you, you may be in the Perfect Potential category.

You’ve just read a teaser to my Novel and specifically the main characters are based on me (Davis) and my Perfect Woman (Jones).  Please let me know what you think about them and if you comment here I promise you an autographed first edition copy of History – A Novel of His Story.  If not, thanks for flowing with me while I was N- the Mood.

Blessings,

The N-Visible Man